He came out of nowhere. Shadows. Not what I would normally expect from myself but entertaining none the less. Unearthing and a master of words. A writer, a reader, a romance believer. As quickly as it started it was over. Annoyingly disciplined and deviant. I’ve been here before and if I want to win I will. I just don’t want to because I don’t think he deserves it. He plays games. The ones I like. Lushious smile, blue eyes and a strange anxious, intoxicating personality. Curls. He tells stories and I listen. He talks about biting my neck and I quiver. Crazy electricity. I want him to bite me. Hard.
Being unavailable to a man gives you all the power. It makes them act like hungry dogs. Frothing to impress you. A man is worth it when he won’t enter the race and this makes him stand out in the pack. He should just come and claim you.
You’re everywhere. Music in a cafe, thoughts at night, butterflies in my stomach, pictures on the Internet and daydreams in my head. I want this to be over but it never will because we are connected. The connection will only be broken by decision and the sheer will power to stay away from each other. It will always hurt if it’s never realised.
We’ve changed each other. There’s nothing we could have done to avoid it because that was the plan for us. Life’s plan can’t be changed I don’t think, it just is. I accept that.
So now I’ll return to thinking of you. To missing you. I’ll remember kissing you and wishing it was different. I know you’re doing the same underneath the surface of your day.
Connection is a sad thing at times. Today feels like that for me. It’ll pass, but I want to acknowledge it because I can and because it makes me feel close to you.
I am me. I am scared of myself and how powerful I can be. He told me to write and so I am.
I just read an old letter exchange between the Director and I and he described the same things through his tone. He called me a woman even back then. He mentioned that I had a calming effect on him and it wasn’t about physical things. He referenced the fact that I don’t say too much or give away how I feel. It was the beginning then.
It appears I was the same core person then and that I have not changed. Leopards really don’t change their spots. My cosistency gives me comfort in being who I am. I didn’t know it then, but I certainly do now.
Am I watching a rerun of my past life?
This will only make sense to me and the rest of you will be confused. That doesn’t matter too much because I penned something down.
Night is unequivocally better than day. It’s so much better. It makes you feel alive when your alone with the night’s sky. Dancing in the night’s clubs, pressed up against each other and the crowd until a light sheen of sweat gleans off your skin. Breathing in the night’s air gives me energy. Dark, tempting, and unrelenting. I love the night and the night loves me. The night is always there and greets me every single time but never with the same thing. It makes me feel things that I don’t feel in the light. It makes me say things I don’t say in the light. It makes me do things. The night is my friend and I’ll love it for eternity.
You’re too bossy, too demanding, aggressive, sexist and boring.
Big dick swinging wankers.
Just let me do my thing and shut the fuck up. I don’t need your opinions or your promotions.
Just read me some fucking poetry, fix something and make me come without feeling guilty. It’s not that hard.
Oh and if you can manage it just listen to and respect me just this once, you may actually learn something.
I’m not sorry, because I mean it. We all do.
So I “like” you, means I’ve fallen in love with you. That’s number eight. 8 times a man has told me he is utterly in love with me. It’s a good feeling..when you love them back. I got him. Got him good. I feel crazy connected to him in a way that isn’t normal for me. I think it’s a karmic relationship (Google that, I had to.)
He likes my tattoos and momentary rockabilly fetish. This story comes complete with a motel rental. Stay tuned.